I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
