If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
