How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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