Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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