So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
