At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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