Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
