Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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