This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
