Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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