Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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