There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
