we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
