and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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