eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
