thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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