Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
