Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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