I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
