Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
