You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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