i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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