I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
