I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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