You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
