I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize