Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
