Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
