I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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