trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She announced her abortion via fbk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
