1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
