come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He kissed a someone with a penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
