Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
