is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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