I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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