so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
