Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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