Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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