Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
