you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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