he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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