btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You smell like stripper and shame
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
