if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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