was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
