Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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