I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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