Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.