sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM