My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
