Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
