u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
