I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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