every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
