Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
