I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
