if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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