thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
