Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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