One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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