My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize