OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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