The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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