I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
