is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
