Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
