the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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