: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
