I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
