Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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