I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
