sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
