Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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