Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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